MOH Duty: Finding a Photographer

My bride got married in approx. 4 months.  Yep, from Lt. J (aka her now hubby) getting down on 1 knee, to her walking down the aisle.  She was in her last semester of undergrad and student teaching.  So needless to say, she was a bit stressed.  Within 2 weeks she had church, reception, bridesmaids, dresses, and her dress done.  Which is BEYOND impressive to me.

Anyway, because all of that happened first her budget for a photographer seemed itsy bitsy.  She was looking for a romantic, vintagey style of photographer.  It was only fitting because the reception took place at an old mansion.

So, is your bride stressed out?  Do you have free time on your hands during normal daylight hours (aka 9-5)? Here's a secret: you don't need tons of time, contrary to popular belief.

For about an hour or 2 on one of the days my friend could spare we went over photographers she liked so I got a sense of her style.  What did I do the following week?  I emailed/ called/ facebook messaged each and every one of them.  I found out A) Are they available on her date? B) What was there price range? C) Had they ever photographed a Catholic/ Military wedding before? and finally D) What was there refund agreement.

How did this help my bride you ask?  She didn't get bombarded with a million emails a day, and I was her gate keeper.  I weeded through, the biggest filter was probably if they were available her date.

We started a google doc, I wrote down all their package information and price (regardless if it was over her budget).  Because I at least wanted her to know.  Finally, after what seemed nearly hopeless we found the one.  Bethany Wears was actually referred to me by another photographer who was not available on the day of Em & Lt. J's wedding.

She was sweet and wonderful.  She wasn't intrusive and was truly there to just capture the day.  I'll show you some pictures here, but if you're in the Kansas City area or really want her to shoot your wedding she was awesome!

These were are bridesmaid bouquets, can you believe they came from HyVee (basically a Safeway?!)

It's not a military wedding until you cut cake with a saber and make a funny face. 

I know this isn't something Maid/ Matron's of Honor typically do, but I would definitely consider asking you friend if she'd like your help.  They may want it, but just don't know how to ask.

Bridal Shower Craft: Shower Favors

For the Bridal Shower, I thought the best theme to fit Em's personality and wedding would be a tea-party.  Her colors were pink, soft gold, and ivory.  I know, super femme.  I loved it! :) 

Anyway, the first thing I worked after I nailed down a date and place (5 weeks before her wedding, on a sunday & Em's mom's house in a suburb of Kansas City), was a favor.  

I went to big lots and stocked up on mason jars.  One 12 pk was only $6!  So I bought around 6 boxes of 12 to insure I had extras.  

Next I put all of the mason jars through the washing machine.  Then I hand-washed the lids and let them dry. 

After everything dried I spray painted the flat part of the lid (I had no idea what they're called) with chalkboard paint. And let it dry and replied. 

And put it all together: 

I found the pink & white twine from etsy and the pink chalk I chose to write with from the dollar store.  In the end, I decided not to go with the little paper sayings because I had to ship them all the way to Kansas from Baltimore.  

When I got to Kansas I bought some tea bags from the grocery store.  I went with just standard Bigelow English Breakfast, because I wasn't sure of everyone's taste. 

End everyone seemed to love them.  People can actually use them after they get home! :) 

Other Bridesmaids

When you are the Maid of Honor, chances are you are not the only bridesmaid.  Unless of course, you're the only bridesmaid at a sweet and low-key wedding.  In that case, the below info probably won't apply to you.

There can be anywhere from 1 other bridesmaid to 12 other bridesmaids.  Seriously, I had a teacher in high school who had 13 bridesmaids.  It can be odd to be the 1 gal that is singled out.  In the wedding hierarchy, you're up there.  So, how's that feel?

It can be wonderful and scary at the same time.  In the wedding I was in, I didn't really know the other gals.  I had heard all their names and seen their pictures on facebook, but that's about it.  It felt really weird to know that since my Bride and I were in a LDF (Long Distance Friendship), most of her other bridesmaids pretty much hung out all the time.

Tips to Getting to Know the Other Bridesmaids:

•  Friend them on Facebook

I know this sounds so basic, but nowadays it really starts the foundation of the relationship.  It's easier to have a mass Facebook message thread to communicate.  You can see each other's personalities and start to have a real relationship. 

•  Invite to Pinterest Board

Are you a Pinner?  I sure am.  I started a secret board and invited all the bridesmaids to join it for the bridal shower & bachelorette party inspiration.  If you're not yet a pinner, I highly recommend getting on pinterest.  It's way easier than googling shower & bachelorette ideas. 

•  Co-planning Bridal Shower

While you maybe the 'hostess' of the party, definitely invite the bridesmaids to participate.  It will help with costs and can be a great way to bond.  

•  Have a Bridesmaid Day

Go out to brunch or lunch, go to a movie, just go shopping for the parties.  Whatever you do, definitely have a bridesmaid day without the bride.  You get to learn about everyone and create a memory.  In those awkward silent moments you can refer back to this. Plus, it can be lots of fun. :) 

Well that's about all I hate.  Does anyone else have any other suggestions as to how to bond with the other bridesmaids? 

What to Wear

(Sorry I forgot to publish this yesterday, I will put up 2 today because of it!)

Perhaps one of the greatest points of contention for a bridal party is what to wear?  Will the bride put you in taffeta?  Will they put you in a tu-tu?  Will they ask you to walk down the aisle in nothing but your skivvies?

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Okay, so chances are the last question will never happen.  So what's the rule to being the best MOH you can be?

Wear it, even if it's not your color, even if it itches, even if you hate your arms-- Just Do It.

Here's my rule of thumb: In so many years when it's your turn to get married, would your bride wear whatever you pick? Yes?  Then wear it.  If you said no, then maybe this isn't a wedding you should be.

I swear I'm not actually all that harsh in real life, but if the person who is perhaps your bestest friend asked you to be MOH you put on that dress for her.  Better yet, just picture the worse thing you can imagine (Like 1980s only bigger and more itchy).  Then whatever she picks will be great.

Some brides want their bridesmaids to pick the dress.  Any they honestly want their opinion.  Now there maybe a few reasons for this: lots of different body types, some are more modest than others, they actually want you to re-wear the dress, etc.  So in that case if you're sugar-coated opinion.  Do you hate strapless because of your arms?  I do.  But I wore it, because I knew it would look lovely on everyone else and the day is not about me.

Now, if you are MOH and the other bridesmaids show the bride a dress you know the bride hates-- be the bad guy.  Tell the other bridesmaids you hate high-low dresses, or scoop necklines, or it's too trendy or whatever.  You are the right hand woman, which means you are first inline to wear that seafoam green, mid-calf length, peplum sporting, tulle puffed arm, taffeta dress that comes with a tu-tu.

Perhaps the only times you can tell a bride how you actually feel about a dress:

You are uncomfortable in it modesty-wise.

If you are a busty woman such as myself, you may really uncomfortable in the deep V-necked dress everyone else is in love with.  You have a right to stand your ground on this one.  Ask the bride if you can have a piece of fabric put in if the neckline is too low for comfort.  Or maybe add cap sleeves if you don't usually show your shoulders.  If something makes you feel super uncomfortable in the modest-sense, stand your ground and offer an alternative.  Don't hate on the dress, be creative and your bride will surely help a sister out.

The dress is crazy expensive. 

The average price for a bridesmaid dress is around $150 not including tax.  Don't believe me?  Check David's Bridal, your jaw will drop.  Now if you are in a financially sticky place to begin with you have to realize that being a party of the wedding is going to cost money.  Dress, shoes, travel, gifts, bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc.  Those are perhaps the biggest ones.  But if you really really can't swing the dress price, talk to the bride calmly and rationally.  Do not let your emotions get the best of you and do not yell at her.  Chances are the bride tried to pick the most inexpensive dress that also fit her vision.  So be understanding, and most importantly be prepared to remove yourself from the wedding.  I know this sounds harsh, but sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

If you're not on a time crunch, typically you can set aside some money at a time to pay it off before you even buy it.  You can search online for the same one, but used (I suggest ebay, craigslist, and ruffled blog).  You can also clean the dress after you use it and sell it back off.

Just for fun the average a bridesmaid spends on a wedding she is a part of.

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Do not let yourself go into debt over a wedding, but be prepared to make financial sacrifices.